" . . . and now, last living Titanic survivor . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Magician Week continues here at the Late Show and to celebrate that we have another installment of "Great Moments in Magic."
Announce:

"Escape artist Dean Gunnarson spent his whole life freeing himself from strait jackets. That's why it was so ironic when the one strait jacket he couldn't get out of was the one mental health professionals put him in after his wife found him talking to his underpants. This has been 'Great Moments in Magic.'"

"This Saturday, FOX News is the place to be for exclusive coverage of Jenna Bush's wedding! It's gonna be the wildest ceremony ever when a crazy mix-up leads to the wedding being performed by Obama's nutty preacher.
Then you won't believe how hits on Jenna at the reception (shot of Roger Clemens). And you just gotta see those crazy Bushes driving home after a few hours of Open Bar. The Bush Wedding: Be there!"

Last night, ABC aired a special interview with Barbara Walters about her new book, "Audition." She spoke candidly about her romantic relationships with several political figures, prompting this response.
Announce:

"In her book, 'Audition,' Barbara Walters tells all about her relationships with some of the world's most powerful men, from Senators John Warner and Ed Brooke to former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan. But can a journalist truly be objective while dating public figures? That's why Wolf Blitzer wants CNN's viewers to know that he's never had sex with anyone.
Blitzer: Pure as the driven snow."

When Dave first saw this, he was excited because he thought just for a minute that maybe the President DID have a magic wand. How exciting would that have been? Unfortunately, at the end we learn that he doesn't have a magic wand.

ACT 2:
In honor of "Magician Week," Dave's been hard at work learning new tricks. He has a deck of cards. He shuffles them up real good. And he shuffle 'em up again. He then spreads the deck in his hands for Paul and the audience to see. He continues to spread them until Paul says "Stop!" Paul stops on a card. Dave holds the card up for the audience to see and then returns it to the deck. He slowly puts the deck back into its box and softly states, "That's as far as I got. Still working on it." It should be something when he's done.

TOP TEN: Reasons I Look Forward To Mother's Day
- As always, Dave has an information card based on tonight's Top Ten. We take nothing for granted. The blue card has three bits of information:
-Sunday is Mother's Day
-My mother's name is Dorothy.
-I call her "Mom."

And to present tonight's Top Ten list, Dave's mom! We turn on the satellite to find mom in the kitchen in Indianapolis, Indiana. It looks like the kitchen has been redone. Dave sees something to mom's left that he doesn't think he's ever seen before. What is that?
Mom: "It's a toaster, David."
After some more chat, Dave spots something else that he can't identify.
Mom: "That's a tea kettle."
Now that were done playing "Name The Kitchen Appliance," we are ready for tonight's Top Ten list.
10. "I pay a neighbor kid to pretend he's my son and we get 10% off at IHOP."
9. "Sunday means just one more day 'til 'The Hills'"
8. "Go to see that Harold and Kumar movie."
7. "Unlike other mothers, I don't have to worry about receiving big, cumbersome gifts in the mail."
6. "Illegal fireworks."
5. "I look forward to Sunday because '60 Minutes' makes me feel young."
4. "Can finally get my pulse back to normal after the thrill ride that was 'Late Show Magician Week.'"
3. "All the kindness helps me forget I'm being gouged at the pump by those damn oil companies."
2. "It's not Thanksgiving, but that doesn't mean you can't shoot a turkey."
1. "Wow, it's Mother's Day? I'm still hurting from Cinco de Mayo."

Very nice delivery by Dave's mom. Always nice to see her. Still looking great.

ACT 3:
PARIS HILTON
Dave thanks Paris for coming on the show. The two had a misunderstanding in the past but all that seems to be behind them now. Dave is happy about that because he feels they have a kinship, an understanding, an appreciation for each other. Paris agrees. Dave adds that he doesn't mean anything romantically about it. Paris quickly agrees, perhaps too quickly.

Paris is in a new reality television show called, "Paris Hilton's My New BFF." BFF- Best Friend Forever.
Basically, it's 20 people . . . both guys and gals . . . who come to live in a house with Paris for a month. Dave exclaims, "Hold it! You live in the same house with common people!?" I laughed at the "common people" line. Each day, or for each episode, one person gets kicked out of the house. After a month, the one remaining will be Paris's new best friend . . . after Nicole, of course.

Dave holds up a photo of Paris's boyfriend, Benji Madden of the rock group, "Good Charlotte." And how about this; her best friend Nicole Richie is dating Benji's twin brother, Joel, also in the band. Who knows, Paris and Nicole could become sisters-in-law. Before going to commercial, we catch a glimpse of Benji in our green room. It must have been sunny in there.

Dave holds up a photo of Paris that surprised him quite a bit. It's Paris in high school as a member of the junior varsity hockey team. She plays hockey? Yes, she does. She loves to skate and loves to play hockey. She doesn't get out on the ice anymore but it was something she enjoyed. She played forward. "Score a lot?" Dave asks. Of course, the audience reacts with a hoot, for which Dave admonished them.

Paris is quite the entrepreneur. She's always marketing something.
1. Champagne in a Can - It's coming to the U.S. this summer. No more of that corky taste. Look for the Rich Prosecco, now in a can!
2. Clipin-Go Hair Extensions. Dave holds up a box. One of our staffers was very interested in the hair extensions, so we allowed our staffer to model the extension. Building Engineer George Clarke enters with the long ebony hair extension down the back. And then offered a lovely pose. Nicely done, George. How much for the hair extensions? "Only $79.99."
3. Paris Hilton Pet Collection - clothes for your pet. Paris likes to dress up her dogs. It's an attention-getter. Dave holds up a sports-shirt any dog would love. How much? $40. WOW! That's even more expensive than American Girl Doll clothes!

Dave asks again about her boyfriend, Benji. Marriage in the future? Paris says she loves her boyfriend dearly, loves spending time with him, and he makes her feel special. Very sweet. She said all the right things about her boyfriend. I liked that. She'll be touring with the band during the summer, and what better way to spend a summer than touring with a Rock 'n' Roll band?

ACT 5:
Announce: "Hey, America, do you like magic? Well, you're in luck because you have one more day to enjoy 'Late show Magician Week.' We conclude the week Friday with a special performance by Penn & Teller. 'Magic Magazine' calls 'Late Show Magician Week' the 'best thing to happen to magic since Harry Houdini.' We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
STEVE WYRICK: He headlines at the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino in Las Vegas in the Steve Wyrick Theater and TRIQ Ultra Lounge. Tonight's Trick: The Blades of Death!
Steve is shackled down and placed in an open box. Above him, slowly descending, are six spinning blades, so sharp that they could slice through a Ponderosa steak as if it were butter. Steve will have to escape the shackles before he becomes a fillet. During the performance, something seemed to go terribly wrong. Sparks fly. And then the Blades of Death descend into the open box. I saw one member of our crew reaching for a mop.
Steve Wyrick did not make it. But there was no blood. And when we see the inside of the box, there was no Steve Wyrick. What happened? Where is he? We hear a shout from the back of the theater. There in the back row of the Ed Sullivan Theater is Steve. He escaped unharmed.
Trick or no trick, I'm calling OSHA. Those blades nearly caused a death.

ACT 7:
PANIC AT THE DISCO: From their CD, "Pretty Odd," Panic At The Disco performed "Nine In The Afternoon."

And that was our show for Thursday, May 8, 2008.



The Democratic Primary moves to West Virginia next Tuesday and Senator Clinton is wasting no time. Today she claimed her friends in high school called her "Mountain Momma."

Time is running out for Bush. The gas prices are rising with no end in sight and still America hasn't green-lighted oil drilling wherever he wants. How high will prices have to go before we cry "uncle"!?
Of course, the price we pay for a gallon of gas is still pretty cheap compared to the rest of the world.

Congratulations to Paul Shaffer. After tonight's show, Paul was presented with the Society of European Stage Authors and Composers Legacy Award for his years of contribution to the music and entertainment world. The gala took place at he SESAC New York Music Awards. Congratulations, Mr. Shaffer.

Wednesday night after the Bengal Tiger trick with Dirk Arthur, the tiger had to be loaded up into the truck. Unfortunately, Dirk couldn't find the car keys. They were in his other pants and no matter how much he looked, the keys could not be found. For hours, we had a huge angry tiger pacing around the theater wanting to go home, all because Dirk lost his keys.
I wonder . . . did he check behind his ear?

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's his 50th birthday, 1980 Syracuse University grad, David Frasco.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER